The Happy Detective #1, by Matt Harrison 07/16/12

Page 1

Panel 1. Lieutenant's door.

Panel 2. Lieutenant seated at his desk, looking stern.

LT.

Detective Tracy, you're making this whole precinct look bad!

Panel 3. Repeated shot, zoomed out. Tracy from behind. Classic yellow trench coat.

LT.

You're a damn good cop, but you're reckless.

Panel 4. Close-up on Lieutenant.

TRACY (O.P.)

I get the job done, Lieu.

Panel 5.

LT.

Shuttup and listen, Tracy.

Panel 6.

LT.

We have procedures around here...

Panel 7.

LT.

And you need to learn how to work within them.

Panel 8.

LT.

You represent this precinct. You represent all of us.

Panel 9.

LT.

We need to set an example for the community.

Panel 10.

LT.

Why can't you be more like Detective Samantha?

Panel 11. Behind Tracy.

TRACY

Oh, right, "The Happy Detective."

Panel 12. Reveal of Det. Tracy's face, looking insulted.

TRACY

The Happy Detective can kiss my ass.

Page 2

Panel 1. Three armed men establish control over a bank lobby.

CAPTION

Across town...

ROBBER #1

Nobody move!

Panel 2. A big white van waits across the street.

CAPTION

Outside...

Panel 3. Interior of van. Jimmy at the wheel, looking panicked.

JIMMY

C'mon, c'mon. What's taking so long?

Panel 4. The robbers burst out of the bank.

Panel 5. The crooks pile in. Jimmy is hesitant.

JIMMY

Sooo... how did it go?

ROBBER #1

Drive, moron!

Panel 6. The getaway car rushes down the street.

Panel 7. A boxy brown sedan trails the crooks.

ROBBER #1

Hey, guys, we're being followed.

Panel 8. A hand props a portable police siren atop the trailing sedan.

ROBBER (O.P.)

It's the cops!

Panel 9.

ROBBER

Step on it, kid.

JIMMY

I think it's 35 here.

Panel 10. A bullet erupts through the main robber's face, coating the windshield from inside.

Panel 11. Reveal: Det. Samantha beaming behind the wheel, holding a gun through the shattered windshield.

SAMANTHA

This is the part of the job I love.

Panel 12. Samantha jerks the wheel hard, still grinning ear to ear.

SAMANTHA

Well, heck, I love the whole thing!

Page 3

Panel 1. Samantha drives with one hand, holding a bullhorn in the other.

SAMANTHA

Alright, boys, you've had your fun. Time to face the music.

Panel 2.

ROBBER #2

C'mon, kid, lose this creep.

Panel 3. Robber #2, shot through the body, grimaces in pain.

JIMMY

I'm gonna pull over.

Panel 4. Detective Samantha pulls the uninjured assailant through the door frame of the van. The others seemingly subdued inside.

CAPTION

Soon...

Panel 5.

SAMANTHA

One dead, one injured, but two good collars.

Panel 6.

SAMANTHA

All thanks to you, partner.

JIMMY

Yeah, we did OK.

Panel 7. The getaway van peels off down the street.

SFX

Screech!

ROBBER #2

So long, suckers!

Panel 8. A smiling Det. Samantha takes one shot down the long road.

SAMANTHA

Oh, no you don't.

Panel 9. The car flips forward in a fiery explosion.

JIMMY (O.P.)

Oh no, Sam. There goes the evidence.

Panel 10.

SAMANTHA

Not to worry, Jimbo. This crook will just have to plead guilty.

Panel 11. The remaining robber responds nervously, fearing for his continued safety.

ROBBER #3

Sure, man. You got it.

Panel 12.

SAMANTHA

See there? All's well that ends well.

Page 4

Panel 1. Samantha and Jimmy enter the station with their one remaining perp.

SAMANTHA

We got a live one here, Loot.

Panel 2.

TRACY

One?

Panel 3.

JIMMY

Plus two dead on the scene.

Panel 4. Samantha absent-mindedly tosses his prisoner into a cell with too much force.

TRACY (O.P.)

One perp? I thought this was supposed to be a big bust?

ROBBER

Ow!

Panel 5. Sam greets Tracy with genuine enthusiasm.

SAMANTHA

Black Tracy! Good to see you.

Panel 6. Resentful, Tracy grumbles a response.

TRACY

C'mon, Sam. I just saw you this morning.

Panel 7. Lieutenant's door.

CAPTION

Soon...

TRACY (O.P.)

This is BS, Lieu.

Panel 8. Inside the Lieutenant's office.

TRACY

Happy Sam kills two perps and I'm the one getting chewed out?

Panel 9. The lieutenant beams with fatherly pride over Samantha.

LT.

A positive attitude goes a long way, Tracy.

Panel 10.

SAMANTHA

You're hair looks great, Tracy. Did you get it cut?

Panel 11. Tracy storms out.

Panel 12.

LT.

Forget him, Sam. I've got another case for you...

Page 5

Panel 1.

BACON

Another big day of riding Sam's coattails, eh rookie?

Panel 2.

JIMMY

Leave me alone, Porkins.

TRACY

Why does the new guy get all the best assignments?

Panel 3.

JIMMY

I just wanna do my job.

Panel 4.

SAMANTHA

And a darn fine job it was, Jim.

Panel 5.

JIMMY

Got you some coffee, Sam.

SAMANTHA

Thanks, Champ.

Panel 6.

BACON

"Got ya some coffee, Saaaam."

TRACY

Did you get me any coffee, Jimmy?

Panel 7.

JIMMY

Leave me alone, guys.

Panel 8.

SAMANTHA

A good laugh keeps station morale up.

TRACY

See, Jimmy? Happy Sam gets it.

Panel 9.

JIMMY

Little do they know...

Panel 10.

SAMANTHA

C'mon, Jimmy. We caught another case.

Panel 11.

BACON

What? You two had the last one!

Panel 12.

SAMANTHA

Sour grapes!

Page 6

Panel 1.

SAMANTHA

Ah, my beautiful Jessica. How are you, Detective Monroe?

Panel 2. Reveal: Det. Monroe is gorgeous, the classic blonde bombshell.

MONROE

Headed out?

Panel 3.

SAMANTHA

Big case. Very Dangerous.

MONROE

But so are you.

SAMANTHA

Nothing I can't handle.

Panel 4.

MONROE

So, will I... see you tonight?

Panel 5. Close-up. Bedroom eyes.

SAMANTHA

...

Panel 6. Close-up. Monroe bites her bottom lip.

MONROE

...

Panel 7. The atmosphere changes dramatically.

SAMANTHA

You bet! Shelly and I will be over at eight, sharp.

Panel 8.

MONROE

Great. My wife is looking forward to seeing you both again.

Panel 9.

SAMANTHA

Have you seen Shelly around, by the way?

Panel 10. Det. Samantha enters the break room.

CAPTION

Then...

SAMANTHA

We're heading out.

Panel 11. Reveal: Shelly is unattractive.

SHELLY

OK, honey.

Panel 12. Samantha gives Shelly a peck on the cheek.

SAMANTHA

Just wanted to say goodbye.

SHELLY

Try not to get any bad guy blood on your detective uniform.

Page 7

Panel 1. Establishing shot. Interior of high-rise office. An Al Capone-style mafia boss sits behind a stately desk.

CAPTION

Masso Family HQ

SFX

Knock, knock.

HENCHMAN

Hey boss, the new guy's here.

Panel 2. A bearded young man with glasses, tattoos, and short shorts enters.

MORRIS

Hey, guy. How's it going? Name's Wolf Morris.

Panel 3. The crime boss looks puzzled, off-put.

MASSO

Wolf? What kinda name is that? Italian?

MORRIS

Pfff.

Panel 4.

MASSO

I've got a shipment of illegal booze coming in tonight. I need you to take care of anybody who interferes.

Panel 5.

MORRIS

Cool. Look, there's this band playing tonight, so I'm gonna go ahead and get outta here. But I'll be around later. Just text me the details or whatever.

Panel 6.

MASSO

This is serious business, kid.

Panel 7.

MORRIS

Yeah, man, kill some cops. No problem. I'll be on it. Later, gator.

Panel 8.

MASSO

Gator? Carta, get in here. Is saying "Later, gator" cool again?

Panel 9.

CARTA

Not that I know of, sir.

Panel 10.

MASSO

What's with that kid?

Panel 11.

CARTA

I dunno, boss, but he came highly recommended.

Panel 12.

MASSO

I don't get it.

Page 8

Panel 1. Samantha and Jimmy hide behind some crates on a loading dock.

SAMANTHA

Jackpot. Here comes the booze.

Panel 2.

JIMMY

These guys all look like workers. Where's all the security?

Panel 3.

SAMANTHA

Beats me. Criminals are pretty dim. Maybe we got lucky.

Panel 4.

JIMMY

Wait a minute. This is 2012. Alcohol is legal. What are we even doing here?

Panel 5.

SAMANTHA

They're prohibition-era barrels. Confiscated in the 20s, stolen back by the mafia. Huge on the black market. Crooks have a thing for vintage.

Panel 6.

MORRIS

Did somebody say vintage?

Panel 7. Morris shoots Samantha in the right shoulder at close range.

JIMMY

Sam!

Panel 8. Despite his injury, Samantha lugs his pistol in his right hand.

SAMANTHA

No sweat, Jimmy. I've got this guy.

Panel 9. Morris shoots Samantha in the right hand.

JIMMY

Sam, no!

Panel 10.

SAMANTHA

Don't worry, Jim. It'll take a lot more than that to take The Happy Detective out of commission!

Panel 11. Morris snaps his fingers and several henchmen pull automatic weapons on Samantha.

Panel 12. Lying prone on the concrete, Samantha's right arm and side are riddled with bullets.

SFX

Budda budda budda

Page 9

Panel 1. Ambulance rushes to the hospital.

SFX

Bwee ooo bwee ooo

Panel 2. Samantha on the gurney.

DOCTOR

Get me 50 CCs of hospital jargon!

Panel 3. Samantha's left hand goes limp.

DOCTOR

We're losing him!

Panel 4. POV shot from hospital bed.

DOCTOR

He's been shot fifty times. He'll never move his right arm again.

BUSINESSMAN

We can rebuild him.

Panel 5. Doctors prepare for dramatic surgery, prosthetics visible in frame.

Panel 7. Samantha looks like Robocop, but can still be identified by his trademark yellow coat.

CAPTION

Then...

ROBO-SAM

You are under arrest. Do not resist.

Panel 8. Repeated shot of thugs with automatic weapons.

Panel 9. Repeated shot of prone Samantha, now as Robocop, being riddled with bullets.

Panel 10. Repeated shot of POV with doctors. Businessman shrugs.

DOCTOR

Well, that didn't work.

Panel 11.

DOCTOR #1

Put him back?

DOCTOR #2

Put him back.

Panel 12. Repeated shot of doctors preparing for surgery.

Page 10

Panel 1. Interior of police station. The detectives are gathered. A "Welcome Back, Sam" banner hangs over the entrance.

CAPTION

Weeks later...

Panel 2.

LT.

All right, people. Happy Sam will be here any minute.

Panel 3.

LT.

I want everybody to stay positive.

Panel 4.

TRACY

But what about, you know, his injuries?

BACON

Yeah, pretty gruesome, right?

Panel 5.

MONROE

Let's just try to follow his example.

Panel 6.

LT.

That's right. If Sam can keep a smile after all this, we owe him the same.

Panel 7. Shelly helps Sam through the door.

Panel 8.

LT.

Sam, you look...

Panel 9. Close-up on Sam's withered, shaking hand.

LT.

...

Panel 10.

MONROE

How do you feel, Sammy?

TRACY

Yeah, Sam, you OK?

Panel 11. A pregnant pause, his face ambiguous.

SAMANTHA

...

Panel 12. His face turns stern forever.

SAMANTHA

I feel like shit.

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