Screenplays by Matt Harrison

EXT. PARKING LOT - MINUTES BEFORE DUSK

A steady shot of a brick wall, the side of a small building, an island in a suburban shopping center. Parking spaces line the wall, but only a few are occupied. A modern car, nothing too fancy, is parked in a spot near the middle of the wall. An old car, spouting abrasive music, abruptly pulls up beside the dormant vehicle, obscuring our view. The engine cuts off and the passenger door flings open wildly, hitting the next car with a quick, loud pop.

ALVIN Shit!

The door slams closed. The engine starts again, the music picks up where it left off, and the car rolls backward out of the spot several feet, then angles away and into the next space. The doors open again and three young men climb out of the car, SIMON from the driver's seat, ALVIN and TED from the passenger side. Simon leans over the roof to gauge the damage that Alvin has just caused to the other vehicle.

SIMON Christ! Can you tell?

ALVIN No, I don't think so. It'll be fine, dude.

TED (trying to muffle his voice, yelling in a whisper) What do you mean, "fine"? It's not fine. You dented it!

ALVIN Where?

TED Right there! Right fucking there!

Ted indicates a vertical scar along the door of the other vehicle.

ALVIN Oh, shit. You're right. My fault.

SIMON Ok, ok, just ignore it. Maybe they won't notice.

The boys turn their backs on the damage and walk around to the near side of their car. Alvin leans against the door, as Simon and Ted vaguely inspect the exterior of the building, while still trying to look casual.

TED So, this is it. This is...

A heavyset woman leading her young son by the wrist rounds the corner of the building. As they cross the empty parking spaces, Simon glances at the damaged car, then distances himself a little, trying to look inconspicuous.

The child's attention is focused on the action figure that crisscrosses through the air in his hand. His other hand tugs vaguely from beyond his mother's clutch, where it cannot contribute to articulating the action. The boy's eyes glazed, he boy mutters sound effects, almost unconsciously, more watching the toy's performance than controlling it.

WOMAN Come on, sweetie.

The mother tugs more forcefully. Her son ignores the command, enrapt in his fantasy. The boy speaks excitedly to his toy under his breath - that vacant, almost soundless impression of powerfully loud voices. He is improvising a dialogue between his toy and some unseen players.

KID Come on! You can do it!

He swings his arm, illustrating some grand maneuver, and the toy clatters across the pavement, settling near Ted's feet. Ted pretends not to notice.

WOMAN You dropped your guy.

KID He fell off the cliff, Mom. He fell in the lava.

Releasing her grasp, she crouches slightly, resting her hand on the boy's back, angling him toward the group, now watching.

WOMAN Go get him.

Without approaching, the boy looks up at Ted, meeting his eyes, then quickly turns away.

KID Hnn...

The mother senses her son's timidity, steps forward and bends down to retrieve the toy herself. As she rises, she smiles generically at Ted. She is friendly, but he is of no interest to her.

TED Hi.

Simon watches intently as the pair walks out of the shot, to some other car, not pictured.

SIMON Man, I wish I was still a kid.

ALVIN No way. It sucked being a kid. I was always grounded.

SIMON That's not what I mean. It's nice to live on your own, but...

TED You don't live on your own, dude. You sleep on Alvin's couch.

SIMON Shut up, Ted. You still live with your parents.

TED Yeah, but I don't have to pay for groceries, either.

SIMON It's just... it was nice, ya know? All you had to worry about was where your next G.I. Joe was gonna come from.

TED What, you wish you could still play with toys?

ALVIN Aw, shit yeah, dude. Let's go get some cap guns for this, the realistic looking ones.

SIMON No, man. We told you. No guns.

ALVIN Yeah, but technically these wouldn't be guns.

TED Alvin, if you show a gun in a bank, you get shot at.

ALVIN We don't have to show them.

TED Then what is the point?!

SIMON What are you guys taking about? I'm trying to say... Goddamn it, nevermind.

ALVIN So then we can bring guns?

SIMON Ted. Goddamn it. No. Fucking. Guns. Period.

TED But this is it, huh? This place?

SIMON Yeah, the setup is pretty perfect. We just park over there, keep the engine running. No one would even be able to see the car from inside.

Simon and Ted round the corner of the building and approach the entrance. We see the name of the bank, "NAVY FEDERAL CREDIT UNION," in bold letters along the upper edge of the building. Ted peers in through the large windows that make up the entrance of the building, cupping his hands around his eyes and pressing against the glass to see through its dark, reflective surface.

TED They're closed, right?

SIMON Actually, we're a little...

The nearer of the bank's double doors suddenly opens outward as a young, clean-cut businessman exits. Ted recoils from the window, terrified, and assumes a rigid posture as he turns his back to the building. The man looks Simon in the face as he passes, nodding a little, only half sincere. His glance passes quickly and he is gone, unaffected and uninterested.

TED Dude!

SIMON They close in a few minutes.

They walk back around to the side of the building, rejoining Alvin, who is now leaning against the driver side door, biting his nails absentmindedly.

TED Well, I like it, I guess. The view is completely limited to the front. That'll cut down on witnesses, I think.

ALVIN I thought we wanted to rob a bank. This is a credit union.

SIMON It's the same thing.

ALVIN Does a credit union even have a safe?

SIMON It doesn't matter. We couldn't get into the safe even if they had one. It's not worth the time it would take trying to figure a way in.

ALVIN Do you think they have actual Navy dudes, like, posted in there?

TED It's just a bank, Alvin. It's a bank for people in the Navy.

ALVIN Yeah, but do you think we'll run into any of them? Those dudes go through a lot of training. I mean, I'm not sure I could take a guy like that. Maybe if it was three against one.

SIMON We're not gonna have to fight anyone, Alvin. The whole idea is that no one around even notices what's happening.

Alvin starts to wander away.

TED Where are you going?

ALVIN The ATM. I gotta get that twenty-five I owe Simon.

TED You can't go up there now, you idiot. Someone will notice you.

ALVIN Wouldn't it be worse if they noticed that we're all just standing here?

SIMON That's actually a good point. All right, go ahead.

Alvin wanders away toward the front of the building. Simon turns toward Ted, but keeps his eyes on Alvin. As Alvin disappears around the corner, Simon mutters to himself.

SIMON Plus, I want my fucking money.

TED Can we really trust him, dude? He's a good guy and all, but you know he's a little spacey. People notice things like that.

RICK (V.O.) Hey, Ted!

Another person approaches. He looks like he might be a few years younger than the others. As he gets close, he and Ted clasp hands, a greeting that soon becomes an awkwardly improvised mockery of a handshake. They release, and Ted glances quizzically at his own hand.

TED Simon, this is my friend Rick.

RICK Hey, dude.

SIMON Drick? Your name is Drick?

RICK What? No, it's Rick. Rick.

SIMON Oh. Ok, that's normal.

RICK So, um... what are you guys doing up here?

TED Oh, uh... Alvin had to use the ATM.

RICK Cool. Yeah, my girlfriend's getting some cash so we can go get Mexican food.

SIMON Man, I'm hungry. We should go get some nachos after this.

RICK Did you hear that this bank got robbed?

TED What? This one?

RICK Yeah. My friend Casey works here. She wasn't here at the time, though. That would have been awesome.

TED This bank? When?

RICK Just last week. Maybe... five, six days ago. It was closed for a couple of days. I guess they made off with like seven hundred dollars, something like that.

SIMON That's it?

Alvin returns from the ATM.

ALVIN I could only get cash in multiples of twenty. Hey, Rick.

RICK Hey, Al.

TED Alvin, you wanna get some Mexican food after this?

ALVIN Hell yes.

SIMON So how much money did you pull out?

ALVIN Twenty. I don't want to carry around forty.

SIMON Twenty? Dude, you owe me twenty-five.

ALVIN Shit.

Alvin leaves the scene again, heading back toward the ATM window out front.

SIMON So, where did you hear about this robbery? How did they do it? Did they get away?

RICK I dunno, man. It was in the paper.

TED Do you still have it?

RICK Huh? No, man. This was last week.

A car horn honks off camera.

RICK (CONT'D) Oh, there she is. See you around, Ted.

Rick moves out into the large, open parking lot in front of the building and is gone.

TED Shit, man. What are we gonna do?

SIMON About what?

TED We can't do it here now.

SIMON Why the hell not? Now we know for sure it can be done.

TED Dude, if the place already got hit, they're gonna be on their guard. They're probably putting in a new security system or something.

Alvin reenters the scene.

ALVIN You got change for a twenty?

TED Alvin, this place got robbed just last week. We have to find another place to do it.

SIMON It's not as bad as all that.

ALVIN Well, I don't want to rob MY bank. I hate that place. Every time I go in there, they make me fill out a deposit slip. Fill it all the way out. I can't remember my account number, dude. It's like, I know you have my name in that computer, just look it up!

SIMON If you hate it so much, wouldn't you want to fuck them over even more?

TED Are you sure we shouldn't try to replace Alvin? He's gonna fuck this whole thing up for us, I know it.

Alvin's attention falters. He does not get offended, and makes no effort to catch up with the portion of the conversation that he's missed. He is suddenly captivated by something he notices on the back of one of the twenty dollar bills, and continues to scrutinize it.

SIMON It's too late to replace him. We'd still have to cut him in to keep him quiet. I'm not splitting the take four ways.

ALVIN That sounded awesome when you just said "cut him in." That was totally tough. Man, I can't wait to do this.

TED But dude, seven hundred bucks? That's it? That's only a couple hundred apiece. Is that even worth the risk?

SIMON That was probably just some asshole without a plan, some desperate bastard who ran in there, pointing a gun and making demands. We could take way more than that if we're smart about it.

TED Maybe it would be better if we just stole some shit from Target.

ALVIN I wanna steal an x-Box.

TED No, idiot. Stuff we could sell.

ALVIN You can sell x-Boxes. The used video store will give you like a hundred bucks for one.

SIMON We're not stealing from Target. We're robbing a bank.

ALVIN A credit union.

SIMON Shut up, Alvin.

ALVIN We could steal some x-Boxes, play them for a few weeks, so they don't look new, then sell them used.

TED What about a convenience store? Convenience stores are like, notoriously easy to rob, right? Don't they tell their employees to just do whatever a robber says? I think I heard that.

SIMON Yeah, Ted, and they only ever keep like two-hundred bucks in the register at a time.

ALVIN We could smash the drop box with a hammer.

SIMON Both of you shut up. We're robbing a bank.

TED This one?

SIMON Yeah. I don't want to have to change the plan.

ALVIN It's not like the plan's all that complicated.

SIMON The plan is solid. C'mon, I'll show you again.

All three return to the building's front entrance and peer in through the large glass panels.

TED I dunno, I guess it could still work...

SIMON It will totally work.

Simon takes a hand away from his eyes and presses a single finger against the glass, indicating something within.

SIMON (CONT'D) See? I camp out at this counter, pretending to fill out a deposit slip or something ---

ALVIN You should write a little note on the bank slip, like a badass calling card. "You've been struck by a smooth criminal."

SIMON (ignoring him) So, from up at that counter, I'll have the whole place scoped out, and when I see an opportunity, I give the signal. That's when you approach the teller, Alvin. Not before.

Alvin turns away from the window and holds out his hands as though brandishing twin pistols.

ALVIN This is a robbery, motherfucker!

TED No! Goddammit, Alvin. We told you - you have to keep it quiet.

ALVIN I know, I know. I'm just kidding.

TED Maybe we should just write a note for him to pass to the teller.

ALVIN Yeah, I could write it. A sweet note like from the zodiac killer. Oh shit, dude. I could write it all in symbols and codes.

SIMON Oh my god.

TED Code? God. Look, you're not writing the note. No offense, Alvin, but I don't really trust your choice of words.

ALVIN Tell that to my B minus in English Comp II, sucka.

TED All right, that's it. Alvin, you do not speak during this whole thing. I'm serious. Simon, he stays silent the whole time or I'm out. That's a deal-breaker.

SIMON I can agree to that.

ALVIN That's all right. I can say a lot with my body language. She'll know what's up.

TED Who will? What the hell are you talking about?

ALVIN The cashier. That girl Casey works here. I'm pretty sure that's who I want to rob.

SIMON You don't get to choose, dude.

TED I really don't feel good about this, Simon. Maybe you should be the one who goes up to the teller.

SIMON Uh... Ted. We talked about that, remember? Alvin needs be the one who goes up.

ALVIN I wonder if Casey is into dangerous guys.

A few yards beyond them, two teenage boys arrive and begin to try skateboarding tricks back and forth over the tall ledge that drops off in the front of the bank. Alvin is curious, and his attention becomes divided again.

The first boy, about 15 years old, with tight jeans and long, curly hair bunching out from under a stocking cap, lands a kickflip over the curb and rolls away smoothly.

ALVIN Damn. Did you see that? This kid can skate.

The other boy, dressed similarly, but with ugly sideburns, tries to copy the trick, but misses.

FIRST KID "S." My turn.

A security guard comes out of the bank, gesturing that the boys should stop skating.

GUARD (indicating the kids) Hey, you. Can't you read?

The guard points to a posted sign reading "NO SKATEBOARDING, BICYCLES, DOGS."

FIRST KID (sarcastically) No, I can't read.

GUARD (pointing to the second kid) Aren't you the same kid from last week? I told you, you can't skate here.

FIRST KID C'mon, man, we're not hurting anything.

ALVIN Yeah, man, they're not hurting anything.

TED Alvin, mind your own fucking business.

GUARD Look, I wouldn't even care, but my boss says kick 'em out, so I kick 'em out.

FIRST KID Let us finish our game.

GUARD Sorry, kid. You gotta go.

ALVIN C'mon, man. Let 'em skate.

GUARD You know what happens if one of these kids breaks his ankle? His dad sues the bank and I get fired. It's nothing personal. I'm just trying to do my job.

FIRST KID C'mon, this place sucks anyway. Let's go skate that bank you were talking about.

SECOND KID What? This is the bank. We're here.

FIRST KID Aw man, you meant bank bank?

SECOND KID Um, yes?

FIRST KID I thought you meant, like, a bank. Like...

He gestures with his hand, indicating an incline, a slope.

FIRST KID (CONT'D) Like a bank, ya know?

SECOND KID Huh?

The kids continue to argue as they go off. The first kid drops onto his board and rides away across the parking lot. The second boy follows, carrying his.

GUARD (mostly to himself) I hate this job. Freakin' kids, man.

He turns and enters the bank again. Once inside, he turns the latch on the door, locking it from inside. It's 5:00 PM. The bank is closed.

SIMON You see that fucking guy? That's exactly why we have to do this.

ALVIN You want to get revenge on the security guard for those kids?

TED No, man.

SIMON Look. Fifteen years ago, that guy was probably exactly where we are now. And what did he do with his life? Fucking nothing. He let life pass him by, and now he's miserable.

TED You know that guy?

SIMON No, man. You can tell by looking at him.

TED Well, that's not me. I'm still gonna go back to college.

SIMON When, dude? What the hell are you waiting for?

TED I'm just not sure what I want to do yet.

SIMON I know you're not, and neither am I. That's exactly my point. If we were ever gonna figure it out, don't you think we'd have some clue by now? I'm twenty-five years old, man. I don't have my whole life in front of me anymore. The whole first chunk of it is fucking gone.

TED So, what? You think you're gonna become a professional criminal?

ALVIN I am so ready.

TED You said this was a one time thing, Simon.

SIMON It is a one time thing. I just... I'm sick of being stuck in this rut. I've gotta do something.

TED This isn't gonna keep you out of a shitty job for the rest of your life. In fact, it's probably shit like this that ruined that guy's life in the first place.

ALVIN How can you possibly not be into this, Ted? Have you ever even seen a movie?

TED Some of us don't like to base our choices on what we see in the movies, Alvin.

SIMON You guys are fucking ruining this for me.

The same two kids return on their skateboards, from the direction where we saw them leave.

FIRST KID I just wanna try it one more time.

SECOND KID C'mon man, hurry up. This guy hates me.

The first kid ollies up onto the high ledge and pushes over to back up against the glass doors again. The second kid carries his board up the curb and leans against the wall of the building, out of sight from the doors.

The first kid pushes off, rides up fast and spins a three-sixty off the end of the ledge. As his board clatters away, his feet hit the pavement together and he tumbles onto his back.

TED Oh shit, he broke his ankle.

Undeterred, the first kid springs back up and runs over for another try. This time he lands cleanly.

Alvin approaches the second boy, who is still leaning against the building.

ALVIN Hey, kid, let me get a try.

He puts his toe on the tail of the second boy's skateboard, which rests on the ground, and pops the other end up into his hand.

ALVIN (CONT'D) I'll give it right back.

He brings the board all the way over to the door of the bank.

SIMON Alvin, what are you doing? Give the kid his board back.

ALVIN I just want one try.

He drops the board and stands on it with his front foot. He pushes off from his back foot, rolls quickly to the end of the sidewalk and ollies down over the curb. He bobs awkwardly as he lands, but manages to hold on. He carries the board back to the second boy.

As the boy takes his board back in his hands, the security guard bursts out through the front doors.

GUARD Damn it, I told you to get outta here! Beat it or I'm callin' the cops!

The second boy sprints out of sight as quickly as possible. The first boy rides away slowly enough to seem defiant.

FIRST BOY Later, pig!

TED (to himself) Call the cops?

GUARD That goes for you, too. Fuck off. We're tryin' to close up shop here.

He disappears back into the bank. The group starts moving toward the car to leave.

TED Why would a cop call the cops?

ALVIN He's not a cop. He's a rent-a-cop. They don't have the authority to do shit to you. He's not even allowed to touch you, by law.

TED I thought banks had cops working in them.

SIMON I guess most probably do, maybe not in suburban shopping centers, though. That's what I've been trying to tell you guys. These local operations don't even put up a fight. This is gonna be easy.

MAN (V.O.) Son of a bitch.

The owner of the other car has returned, a normal-looking middle-class man in his early forties. He approaches the boys.

MAN Excuse me, I think you may have hit my car.

TED No we didn't. What? No we didn't.

MAN Who owns this car?

SIMON Um...

MAN I think we better exchange insurance information, just in case.

TED What? No. We didn't hit any car, man. We didn't do anything.

MAN Now look, I can see paint from your door on my...

ALVIN No, you look, dude. We didn't hit your car and we're not giving you shit. Quit trying to fucking scam us and get out of here.

MAN I don't...

ALVIN Quit fucking harassing us and beat it, dick!

Alvin takes an aggressive step forward and the man retreats, stumbling backwards and climbing into his car. He starts the engine and pulls away quickly. Alvin leans back against the brick wall, pleased with himself.

TED God, man. What did you do that for?

ALVIN What?

TED He probably got our license plate number, you idiot. He's probably coming back with the cops.

ALVIN Oh.

SIMON All right, all right. Let's just get out of here.

TED Shit. You guys, I just realized. Our fingerprints are all over that window already.

SIMON Come on, Ted. Nobody is gonna check for fingerprints. It's not like it's a homicide crime scene, or something. This is gonna be a small job. This will totally go under the radar. No one is gonna care.

ALVIN Well, it did make the paper last week.

Simon shoots Ted a dirty look.

TED Maybe we should go back and wipe the glass.

ALVIN Aren't you the one who's worried about looking conspicuous?

TED Shit, man. I gotta clean that off. I can't get caught. I'll be right back.

Ted hurriedly runs off. Alvin turns to address Simon.

ALVIN Did you do your laundry yet this week?

SIMON Would you focus?

ALVIN What, dude? C'mon, take my colors to your mom's house again. I'll buy your nachos.

SIMON All right.

ALVIN Yesss...

Ted catches up at a jog.

TED Ok, I got it. Let's go.

SIMON What did you use?

TED I rubbed the smudges off with my sleeve.

SIMON "The perfect crime." You sure you didn't lose any shirt fibers?

TED You think...?

SIMON Let's just go.

An old man in his late sixties walks up, hobbling but energetic. His white hair is neatly-combed and he has a full beard, kept short. He wears glasses with bulky metal frames and he carries an envelope in his hand. As he passes the group, Alvin calls out to him.

ALVIN Hey, the bank's closed, old man.

SIMON God, Alvin. Show some tact.

OLD MAN It ain't closed for me, son.

The old man moves on without breaking stride.

SIMON (to his friends) Hey, hold on a minute.

He goes back once again around the corner of the building. The old man is knocking on the door, the thick glass making a bonging noise. A pretty young woman approaches the door from inside, and smiling, turns the latch and lets the old man in. She places her hand on his back as he moves through the doorway, then locks the door again. Simon watches with interest.

Ted and Alvin join him.

TED I thought we were going. You said the cops were coming.

SIMON Just another minute.

ALVIN That old guy was cool. When I'm old, I'm gonna get some 80s-style glasses just like those.

SIMON Yeah...

ALVIN I mean it. Old dudes are awesome. I'm gonna be the coolest old dude ever. Wearing sweet Sherlock Holmes hats and shit. Having old guy meetings in Wendy's, all that stuff.

TED He could barely walk, Alvin. Getting older fucking sucks.

ALVIN Nah, dude. You underestimate old dudes. Everybody does. Did you see him get right into that bank? He's probably in there robbing the place right now. He's probably the one who did it before. He's probably on a crime spree, hitting banks all over the place.

SIMON Hmm.

ALVIN (looking around) I wonder if those kids are coming back. I wanna skate some more.

The woman lets the old man out of the bank again, and he smiles and waves to her as she locks up behind him. He acknowledges the group as he nears them again.

OLD MAN Nice day, isn't it?

SIMON Yeah, nice day.

OLD MAN What are you kids doing up here? Are you one of those skateboard gangs?

Alvin looks around, puzzled. There are clearly no skateboards in the area.

SIMON Do you own this place or something?

OLD MAN What's that, son?

SIMON How did you get in there after they closed?

OLD MAN Hmm? Oh, well... I guess sometimes folks'll just sorta go outta their way for an old timer, especially a veteran.

He pulls his sleeve over his forearm to reveal an ancient looking anchor tattoo. His posture changes. He's proud of his life, and young people don't often ask him about it.

ALVIN You get away with stuff like that all the time, don't you?

OLD MAN Heh. One of the many perks of being retired, I suppose.

ALVIN Yeah, and you get a discount on, like, movies and food and stuff, too, huh?

OLD MAN Oh, sure. Lots of discounts.

ALVIN What time did you wake up this morning?

SIMON (cutting Alvin off) Who was in there? How many people?

OLD MAN Why? You thinking about robbing the place?

He chuckles at his own joke.

SIMON Maybe we are.

TED Simon!

OLD MAN Ha!

SIMON Anyway, we were just leaving.

OLD MAN Well, me too. I gotta meet the fellas. You boys stay out of trouble now, you hear?

He limps off eagerly. Simon is reflective. There is a pause.

SIMON Guys, I don't know about this anymore.

TED Thank God.

ALVIN What, cause of that guy? Don't worry about it, dude. His money's all insured, right? We're not stealing from him.

SIMON It's not that. I dunno.

ALVIN C'mon, man. Don't back out on me. It's gonna be awesome. This was your idea, dude.

SIMON I just... I don't wanna mess things up.

ALVIN Mess what up? Things could stand to be messed up. Things are boring. You said so yourself.

SIMON Maybe we're not as bad off as we thought. I gotta think about this.

TED So can we get the fuck out of here, please?

SIMON Yeah, let's just go.

ALVIN Wait, if the plan's off, then you guys don't mind if I buy some cap guns after all?

The gang climbs back into the old car. The music stutters as the engine starts up again, and they pull out of the spot and drive off.